star shaped

A weblog of knitting, beer, and coding goodness.

31 days of writing.

I seem to have forgotten how to write online, which is strange. I’ve been writing for as long as I remember; I’ve kept a journal of some sort since the age of 10, and started publishing what I wrote online way back in 1998. Recently, though, I’ve sort of frozen up. I don’t remember how to express myself. I stumble over words and can’t flow from one topic to another.

I’m just out of practice.

What’s the best way to get better? Just doing it. Just writing, every day. It doesn’t matter the quality, not at first at least. Just getting words out there in some way helps and improves writing.

I know this.

So why don’t I do it?

Simple. I’m scared.

For some reason, I’m much more afraid to put myself out there now than I was 10 years ago. I’m scared of people laughing at my words. I’m scared of people making fun of my pictures because I’m not a stellar photographer. I’m afraid of my opinions being torn apart.

I don’t like this.

What’s the worst that will happen if I make a blog post? Easy. People leave me mean comments, laughing at my words, pictures, and opinion. No one comes back to my site. I lose the few people who read already.

Will this happen? No. I just tell myself it will.

It’s ridiculous how much we put ourselves down, isn’t it?

Well, I want to stop it.

Back in the day, a group of people actually found my blog and decided to make fun of me as a person on their public forum. I can’t even remember what they said about me, but it was heinous. And pathetic.

Do you know what I did back then?

I laughed. What else could I do? (Well, I also blocked their IPs. Reading the forum with all there ‘she blocked me!!! did she block youuuu??’ posts made me laugh. Oh, satisfaction.)

That’s what I should do now. Laugh. Enjoy myself. Enjoy what I get out of writing and blogging. I don’t know why I haven’t done this more recently on this space, with this domain name I’ve owned for the past 11 years. (Eleven!)

I want to do more with it now. Hopefully I will stick with writing every day this month so I can become a better writer!

Posted: December 1, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Tagged: ,
  • Anonymous

    i am experiencing the same thing!! it’s hard to adjust from writing somewhere like LJ, where you can control who reads and then just writing out in the open for everyone to read. i tell myself that i am not important enough that people are actually LOOKING for my blog.  i love to write & i want to continue to write online. i’ve been doing it this long – why stop!! LJ is dead – so i am on tumblr. decided it was time to try & branch out.

    • http://star-shaped.org Aubrey

      I used to write in this blog all the time!! I do really want to start writing more often, and I want to try focusing my writing a bit more. I’m thinking of using this blog to write about things I make, but who knows. That’s what this 31 days of writing is for, to figure out my direction! I do miss writing and i used to LOVE doing it. I wish I knew why I stopped writing so much!

  • Tiffany

    I’m (hopefully) doing a post-a-day for December, too!

    ugh, that’s terrible about the people on that forum :( That makes me sad. Goodness knows that I had enough material back in the day for people to make fun of…I’m sorry that happened to you!

    • http://star-shaped.org Aubrey

      I’m trying to remember when exactly it was when people were making fun of me. 2001ish? I think it was somewhere around there. 

      You actually inspired me to write every day! I do want to figure out what I want to say, so hopefully writing at least once a day will help. Good luck with your 31 days!

      • Tiffany

        aww, awesome! Good luck to you too! :)

  • http://www.authenticexperience.org/ nikkiana

    I know exactly what you’re saying.  I’ve been on a mission since about July to get back on the blogging as much as I can bandwagon. I miss the old days, and I sorta hate how Facebook and Twitter took over my life and want to get back to my roots, so to speak…

    But, it’s undeniable that I’m much more cautious about what I write about than I was 10 years ago.

    I know a lot of it was being accused of being crazy by a pastor of a church I went to ages ago… which shouldn’t be an issue now because I’m so far removed from that church and those people, but it really damaged my voice.

    • http://star-shaped.org Aubrey

      I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog recently! I’m glad you’ve been updating pretty consistently, too.

      I remember when you went through the craziness at your church back in the day. I’m sorry that that affected your voice! I like your writing and your voice now, if that helps!

  • Carrie Schubert

    OMG I think I remember that. LOL! Ahh, gotta love immature drama. Maybe you will get me to start blogging again, ugh!

    • http://star-shaped.org Aubrey

      Yes!! Write in your blog! I don’t read OLU so I can’t ever read what you say. 

      That drama was so long ago! 

  • Ray

    Yeah, keep writing and keep laughing.  If some people make fun, so what, others will happen across it and like it.  Good if you meet some that really like it, and no loss if some that don’t go elsewhere.  And really it’s about you, not them.  You like it, so do it.

    I used to draw, all the time, got rather good at one point (hard to believe that was so many years ago), experimenting with styles and techniques.  Of course, most of my drawings were still scrap, but I distinctly remember realizing the ratio of keepers to scrap was a lot higher than it used to be, and the keepers were much better.  But then I gradually quit doing it.  My skills atrophied over the years.  Now I very rarely even try and get frustrated way too easily.  I look back at what I used to do, and think I can’t do that now.  But the truth is, with some regular practice, I could do that again and even better.  Hmm.  You might’ve just inspired me to seriously take up drawing again.  I miss it.

    Do you still do NaNoWriMo?

    • http://star-shaped.org Aubrey

      You should definitely start drawing again, if it’s something you really enjoyed a long time ago. How you feel is exactly how I feel about writing right now, and it’s silly because I KNOW practicing will help me in the long run! The answer’s so easy, yet so many people lose skills or even stop pursuing an activity at a certain point because of fear. Well, fear no more! You can definitely do it.

      I was going to do NaNo this year, but with the class I’m taking this semester, along with full time work, I didn’t think I had the time. I may try going back to it next year, though. I do miss it.

  • Linda.

    I miss having a blog that was read by more than like, 5 people. And I kind of miss having it somewhere not friends-locked. But I guess it doesn’t matter if I don’t have an audience…I’m toying w/ the idea of setting up yet another blog somewhere, lol…we’ll see.

    And if you write, I will read it. :D

    • http://star-shaped.org Aubrey

      Dude, I’d love it if you set up another blog somewhere! You know I’ll read anything you write, anywhere you write it!

  • Cindy

    I’m curious…was that the spykitties forum? I know they did that type of thing a lot.

    I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts!

    • http://star-shaped.org Aubrey

      It could have been, but I honestly don’t remember. I just remember thinking it was so sad that these people wrote about me on their forums!