Star Shaped

My 4th of July weekend? Kicked ass. I cleaned up my apartment, hung out with my friends, and enjoyed myself. I saw some fireworks, walked around downtown South Bend at night, ate some seriously awesome barbeque (and a few s’mores to boot!), learned a few new card games, watched a hilarously bad movie from the 70s (anyone ever seen Logan’s Run? It is so, so bad.), knit a few dishcloths, and drank some italian sodas in coffeeshops. I’m proud of myself for putting my bed together by myself and figuring out how to setup my tv with my dvd player. (I have no problem putting my computer together, but when it comes to my tv, I’m clueless. I still need to figure out how to hook the Wii up to the DVD player / TV setup!) I did laundry and went grocery shopping (and spent less than 50 bucks on food that will probably last me the next two weeks), took pictures of myself being silly and enjoyed the warm sunshine.

My family went to Cape Cod this weekend. I think this year will be the first year in my entire life that I will not go to the Cape at all, even for a weekend. I just don’t have the time. I will be visiting my family in August, but we won’t be driving over the Bourne bridge and I won’t be walking along the beach. I’m not all that broken up; of course I’d love to go, but at this point I’d rather just see my family. I haven’t seen any of them since the end of January; none of them have seen my blonde hair. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I’ve seen them.

My sister posted this picture of myself (I’m on the left in the purple bathing suit), my brother, my mother, and herself online today. It’s a picture that has hung in our cottage on the Cape for as long as I remember. I am six, my sister three, my brother around six months old. It’s strange thinking that picture was taken over twenty years ago! I find it interesting. I’ve always had a good time on the Cape.

I had a good weekend this weekend. I know recently my weblog’s been more introspective; I think it’s more to do with the place I’m in at my life right now. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time and though my life isn’t perfect, I’m enjoying things. I’m enjoying going out, enjoying staying in, and in general enjoying myself and the company of others. It’s a nice feeling.

I’m sitting in my new apartment right now, my stuff strewn every which way, sweaty and tired. For the first time ever, I’m living alone. The space I’m sitting in right now is 100% mine and I can do what I want with it. This boggles my mind. I don’t know how to arrange my stuff; I’m missing crucial items such as a kitchen table and a microwave, but I figure I’ll accumulate these things in time.

Starting over is strange. Today I went to the grocery store and bought things I already had, things like aluminum foil and sandwich bags and olive oil and rice. It’s weird that I need to accumulate these things again. I have so much stuff I need to buy. I need trash cans and lamps and light bulbs to go in the lamps. I’ll have to purchase these things little by little, but eventually I’ll have what I need for this place. It’s just strange today, looking at my things, knowing that this place is mine.

In other new, this weekend I drove a U-Haul, drank beer from a can, attended a tattoo parlor birthday party, and got really, really sunburned. Not to mention I enjoyed an awesome dinner at my favorite Chinese place with a few friends of mine who helped me move. Liz, Gabe, and Josh, you guys rock. Things are good.

Oh, 2003. How have five years passed since I rang in the new year with Kelly at her mother’s house in Connecticut, watching an Insomniac with Dave Attell marathon, driving to my parents’ house on January first, cursing the fact that while southern Connecticut bragged green lawns, Massachusetts streets were covered with the fluffy white stuff? Years pass so quickly.

I remember 2003, picking up my friend Peter at the Springfield train station to meet a friend of his online, and driving back to Indiana with him in my car, afraid of my erratic driving through the snow in upstate New York.

I couldn’t wait to spend time with a guy I started dating, named Scott, who I began dating only eight days before Christmas. When I returned to Indiana we spent four days together, and we fell in love. I spent much of my year with this boy, listening to music, going to shows, and drinking at a local bar. I moved from Long Island Iced Teas, to White Russians, to Amaretto Sours, to Woodchuck cider. I tried a Bud Light one evening but could not finish it. I did not enjoy beer.

I lost friends over a Livejournal post and spent my last semester of college a wreck. This makes me laugh now, as these people weren’t ever real friends and I’m glad to have washed them from my life. My true friends don’t write in ‘private’ online journals discussing how much they, in fact, dislike me, and my true friends also do not say they were just ‘ranting’ when later on, I confront them about it. Lesson learned.

I met Scott’s family in late January, in St Louis, and he met mine in March. We climbed Mt Holyoke and bought Guided By Voices albums, and I found I did not like California rolls while eating at a Japanese restaurant in Northampton.

I listened to Zwan, and Guided By Voices, Sun Kil Moon, and Grandaddy in 2003. I discovered Sirius radio and spent time discovering new sounds. We saw Zwan in concert twice, the Strokes once. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club’s second album came out in the fall and I bought it for $5.29 at a Best Buy in Massachusetts.

In May, I graduated college. My family came to Indiana to wish me well, and we stayed in a hotel with more humidity than most of the city itself, and we feared getting blown over by the many tornado warnings we endured during that weekend. Scott and I made a very funny couple our first year together. He met the rest of my family that Christmas.

I moved back to Massachusetts in the fall of 2003, and stayed for approximately three weeks before moving back to Bloomington. I initially went to visit Scott, who stayed in Bloomington to finish his degree, and ended my stay with a job supervising lab consultants for the university. I technically didn’t have a place to live for three months; I dumped my stuff at an old coworker’s apartment and paid rent there, but stayed with Scott at his tiny one bedroom apartment barely big enough for the two of us. My car lived at my old apartment complex from the summer, and we’d go check on it every so often to make sure it hadn’t been towed. Ah, the life of a new graduate without a real home.

I did not knit much in 2003; I cross-stitched. I met Cindy and Joe in October, and I visited Hershey Park which really does smell like chocolate. Cindy and I cross-stitched while watching Star Wars and we collected Monopoly pieces at a nearby mall, and saw animals in the dark, right before Halloween. I spent too much of 2003 in a car, driving to and from places far from each other.

2003 was a disjointed year for me, a year of new beginnings. I don’t like most of my memories associated with 2003 and I consider it one of the worst years of my life, mainly because of my state of mind. It’s interesting, looking back at my thoughts and the events that occurred.